What is Existential Kink coaching?
Existential Kink is a shadow integration process pioneered by Dr Carolyn Elliott/Lovewell. It is essentially a non-dual philosophy that treats human incarnation, and all of its pleasures and pains, as one big consensual kink scenario chosen by the soul.
It taps into the secret, naughty, taboo feelings of repressed pleasure we may have in some of the repetitive negative patterns we may have in our life. Just like a master Domme might “torture” us for our kinky delights in the bedroom, so too might our higher selves “torture” us in order to bring us a specific frequency of pleasure (very offensive to the human ego) and evolve our souls.
Existential Kink is the pleasure you may get from listening to a sad break up song over and over.
It is in the flood of sensation we may experience from humiliation and rejection. Through an evolved Existential Kink practice, we can learn to hold sensation in a more non-binary way - as neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’. Just high sensation moving through the body.
Existential Kink is the secret thread of eros you may feel in having a really passionate fight with your partner.
It’s the thrill of being scared in a horror movie.
It is the kinky delight we may take in feeling offended by somebody.
These are notes of the human incarnation that we can hear to experience.
It is essentially welcoming the pleasurable, orgasmic, playful, erotic, Babalonian current of consciousness to pervade all of our experiences.
I’m not saying this is an easy task. Or that it is always appropriate to reside in non-dual awareness. Sometimes much more empathy and acknowledgement of the realities of the human experience is needed.
However, for certain lingering patterns in the psyche, as well as drastically opening up another playful lens to view our lives and experience here, Existential Kink can liberate the unconscious like nothing else.
Underpinning the Existential Kink philosophy, in part, is the Jungian notion of the transcendent function. That when two opposites or polarities are untied - in this case the conscious and the unconscious mind - they create something entirely new.
In the context of two humans, when a man and woman come together and make a child, the two have created a third entity that is equal parts both of them and something entirely new and different altogether.
This is how sex magick operates within our own psyches; we unite two opposites within us to create a third new possibility. That inner alchemy can be infused with resistance and blame, or with an alive accepting tantric throbbing current of YES.
This is the possibility Existential Kink offers.
Are we the victim of our lives, or are we the willing Sub being stroked and teased in all kinds sadistic ways by our loving Dom higher selves?
In my coaching, I use a range of approaches that aim to take in the full reality and totality of your human experience. There are times when Existential Kink can fall into spiritual bypassing if the underlying feelings have not been fully felt and processed first before pleasure is invited. There is nothing worse than faking pleasure towards something we deeply hate and resent. I’m not here to gaslight your story or pain.
I am here, when the time is right, to playfully invite you into certain reframes around stuck patterns or experiences that may liberate a whole load of life force and eros in you.
I’m here to provoke you a little and challenge you in ways that more therapeutic paradigms are not allowed to do.
I want to support you in being your most free self.
If you landed on this website, it’s likely you already have a keen awareness of Existential Kink. If this is your first time encountering it, then welcome.
If you would like to receive some coaching with your Existential Kink process, do get in touch and we can set up a complimentary 1hr discovery call.
I look forward to connecting with you.
Nicola
